Jue and Man in Tokyo

Well, it's been more than a week since Jue and Man arrived in Tokyo.

Due to some traffic problem encountered by Che Lee on his way back from grocery shopping, Jue and Man had to wait for about an hour in Narita airport before we arrived there. I quickly assisted them with phone rental and changing their exchange order to get JR Rail Pass.

Side note - we had been receiving visitors daily since Thursday, 20 March 2008, which was public holiday in both Japan and Malaysia - for being Spring Equinox day and Maulidur Rasul respectively. Hubby had been invited to give a Maulidur Rasul related ceramah in Ichikawa Ono (more about this could be read at HE's blog). In early Thursday morning, there were Kak Yan and Tuan Syed Nahar from Aoyama who joined us to be picked up by Rosli to go to Ichikawa Ono. When we returned, there was Hafiz from Iwate waiting to meet hubby. Friday noon we received Faizal and his wife Aishah-chan, a Nihonjin Muslim revert. Friday evening, Fary came with her mom and her brother's mother-in-law. It was amazing to learn that Fary's mom actually knows hubby's family members while her besan knows my mother. What a small world, eh?

Anyway, back to Jue and Man. They came bearing us lots of goodies - Malaysian stuff that would cost a small fortune here in Tokyo. They even brought us a packet of Ramly burger, woohoo. The burger sold at halal shops here doesn't taste as good and they get 'benyek' very easily. Jue even brought Acuvue monthly disposable lenses for me - which is not available in Japan. Here they either sell the daily or 2-weekly variations. Apart from that, I finally got my hands on Sophie Kinsella's "Shopaholic and Baby" as well as Sis Zabrina's "Life is an Open Secret" - thanks so much Kit dearie!. And not forgetting Pokcik and Kak Mai who sent us some traditional kuih (I have no idea what it is called - but Pokcik said it comes from Kedah), dodol and jeruk. Honest-to-goodness miscellaneous jeruk all the way from Penang which made me cried out in delight the instant I saw it. Hehehe. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Okay, okay, back to Jue, Man and their little cutie Husna (who was born a month after Huzaifah, but could now pass for someone a year older than Huzaifah due to her bigger size and ability to talk). In the past week, they have

• made lots of changes to their over-ambitious earlier schedule, making it more feasible.
• been to Imperial Palace, Roppongi, Akihabara on Day 1 (I have to miss a meeting with blogger Lina at blogger Kak Ani's place since hubby could not play tourist guide for that day, having other mosque-related commitments.)
• spent a day in Universal Studio Japan, Osaka on Day 2 without taking too many photos since Man forgot to recharge the camera's battery the previous night
• been to Yokohama on Day 3 but scrapped earlier plan to visit Hakkeijima Sea Paradise on the same day. Bought 1 Day Ticket (450 yen) for Minato Mirai subway line, covered Yokohama eki area, Minato Mirai 21, Chinatown, Yamashita Koen, missed the opening hour of Anpanman Museum, rode the Cosmo Clock (a big feat for Jue who normally suffers aeroacrophobia or 'gayat' as Malays call it) in Cosmo World, and were treated to several sing-a-song-while-preparing-orders sessions as they enjoyed their "Mint Mint Chocolate Chocolate Chip" and "German-chokolatekake" (while I devoured my "Romancing the Cheesecake") in Cold Stone Creamery.
• been to Shinjuku Gyoen for ohanami, Oriental Bazaar in Harajuku, took a second trip to Akihabara and dined in Malaychan in Ikebukuro on Day 3.
• had some 'escapade' episode at Tokyo eki on Day 4 when they realized at the last minute that they have boarded the wrong train to go to Maihama, where Disneyland is situated.
• gone to take a peek at Jom Makan (Malaysian Kitchen franchise in Tokyo) in Daikanyama, only to find it already closed for the day after an exhausting day in Disneyland. I know it is probably not patriotic of me to say this - but after my one experience in Jom Makan, personally I wouldn't recommend it to others to go there... (Chances are, despite not being an accomplished cook, I could serve more authentic and better tasting Malaysian food at home...)
• been to Kyoto on Day 5, but only achieved half of their earlier-set ojectives. Disappointed to realize that some part of Ginkakuji was on construction after they have already purchased the ticket there and had to give Gion a miss because their daughter Husna was not feeling well by the time they were boarding the shinkansen back to Tokyo.
• shopped till they almost dropped in Kichijoji, and experienced panaromic view of Tokyo at night in Tochou (Tokyo Twin Tower) in Shinjuku on Day 6. Passed by Ginza for the second time (the first time on Day 3) and Jue had resolved to have a stroll in Ginza at least once before they return to Malaysia

It's been an interesting week. They are in Karuizawa today, to enjoy some time in snow and maybe do more shopping too in the nearby outlet.

While they were in Tokyo on Day 3 & 4, they have been very generous to let hubby and I used their JR Rail passes for 2 days , and we in turn had taken the opportunity to have a touch-n-go tour around Kansai on Wednesday followed by a day tour in Hiroshima/Miyajima on Thursday. Thanks to Jue and Man, hubby and I had our first shinkansen experience - and not just once, we boarded 5 different shinkansens all in all.

Yes, while it was tiring to travel with two knapsacks and two kids (and one of them an extremely active 2 1/2 year old toddler who could get really cranky at times), hubby and I had heaps of fun too. Many thanks to Ghazali and Fiza for their warm welcome when we stayed overnight at their place in Higashi Hiroshima.

Ghazali picked us up from Higashi Hiroshima eki at around 11.00 p.m., long past his normal sleeping time. Fiza insisted on us having late night supper (dinner was more like it) and when we woke up the next day, not only had she prepared breakfast, she also made extra nasi goreng and sandwiches for our bento. On top of that, both Huzaifah and Humaidi were presented with a t-shirt each (Huzaifah insisted on wearing his new t-shirt for 2 consecutive days and refused to take it off despite my many pleas). May Allah bless them for their generosity...

Like us, Ghazali and Fiza are returning to Malaysia in September, so we look forward to strengthening the silaturrahim that began here when we go back home, insya Allah.

Tokyo DisneySea

I am too lazy to write a proper entry, so I'll just let the photos speak for themselves...

Minggu murah rezeki...

The week started well, with an invitation for a housewarming kenduri in Miyazakidai, an hour away from Asakusa. Hubby and I didn't sleep the whole night, as we waited for the Malaysian twelfth election's results. It was a long busy night - attending to numerous phone calls, instant messages, surfing the net, getting and feeding information. And what a night to remember... Finally the persons I endorsed for won their respective seats even without my personal vote. Heh.

Hubby and I were so tired in the morning after, so yes, the invitation for a small feast of nasi tomato, ayam masak merah, ayam masak kicap, kari daging and kek pisang was certainly most welcomed. Never mind the long trip - Huzaifah and Humaidi hadn't been out for quite some time due to my worry in exposing them to pollens, so yes, it was good to have a family trip somewhere without having to prepare nasi goreng in advance for a change.

Tuesday saw me receiving a parcel from Malaysia containing 2 batik blouses and 1 long batik sarong suitable to be used for solat. Thank you my dear old friend. That was very nice of you and please don't hesitate to let me know if you would like to get you some suitable souvenir from Japan in exchange, okay?

Wednesday, March12th, was hubby's birthday. A quiet day - we didn't even celebrate it with a cake, and I didn't get anything for him yet. The year before last, it was a Lego model of Ferrari, and last year it was a huge (and quite expensive) remote-controlled Ferrari. No, we still can't afford the real thing, so I thought of getting him a little something later as a belated birthday present. Poor guy checked my blog on his birthday, perhaps expecting some loving wishes - and found none. I do love you more with each passing day, and sorry for my lack of effort in making the day more memorable apart from cooking bifstik (not proper beef steak, mind you, mine is the version meant to be eaten together with rice, as 'lauk') and ehem, being a little naughty. He he.

Thursday saw me assisting Kak Ita, a tourist guide, handling a group of Malaysians visiting Tokyo for the first time. I had some reservations at first whether or not to join Kak Ita, but hubby encouraged me to go ahead and help. Kak Ita after all was not very familiar with Tokyo Big Sight or Meg@Web, so she said it might help to have someone more familiar with these two places around.

So I played tourist guide for a day - a big difference from playing tourist, of course. For once, I had to answer lots of question on what to eat ("tempura is made from veggies and seafood, not meat", "ebi furai is fried prawn in breadcrumbs", "the Turkish restaurant in Nagoya and Indian restaurant in Kanda that you went to serve halal food although they also serve liquor in the premise","anman is Japanese version of pau kacang"), became instructor of Nihonggo crash course on important phrases ("takasugi, iranai", "hokani iro/saizu arimasuka", "toire wa doko desuka", " e ikitai, oshiete kudasai", "ima doko desuka", "denwa bango oshiete moratte ii desuka") and had to consult friends here and there to ask for information on behalf of others (and in the process found out trivial stuff like in Tokyo, apart from the Ueno eki branch, there is another Hard Rock Cafe in Roppongi) No, I kid you not, someone actually wanted to know how to ask for a girl's phone number in Nihonggo. In fact the guy actually hit on two kawaii Nihonjin girls, using Kak Ita as simultaneous interpreter, which got the girls giggling all the way from Daiba to Shimbashi on Yurikamome line. A Malay kakak asked him - "nak cakap apa kalau pun dapat phone number?", to which he confidently answered, "tahulah orang nak ayat macamana". Ha ha.

Anyway, at the end of the day, the leader of the group asked me if I would like to join them again for a trip to DisneySea on Saturday. I quietly explained that apart from having to ask for hubby's permission first, I also felt that it might not be fair to ask him to spend another day home alone with the two kids . I thought that might discourage them from pursuing the matter, but the next thing I knew, the leader announced to the group that he would like to invite this "kakak yang tolong guide kita hari ini dan suami sama" to join the trip to DisneySea and for the group to help sponsor both of us. And to my surprise - they agreed. Just like that. Yeayyy... Okay, so Ihave to play tourist guide for another day, but given that I've never been to Tokyo DisneySea before and have been planning to go before returning to Malaysia, to be offered an "all-expenses paid for" trip was really cool.

And as if all these cool stuff were not enough, today I just found out that I got an A+ for the subject I took last semester, alhamdulillah. "International Journalism" was among the classes I enjoyed tremendously, and I thought my final report might deserve an A, so A+ came as a very nice surprise. No, I am not a straight As student, but along the way I've learned that I do well in courses listed under "International Society" and "Human Capital and Organization" groups. Now, if only I'd realized it sooner I would have taken more subjects under these two groups than those listed under "International Relations" group...

And to those who might wonder how did I fare in my PTK exam in December - alhamdulillah, I passed with Aras 3, for both kompetensi umum and kompetensi khusus. Although I am glad that I do not have to repeat the papers, I'm still unsure whether the result is an apt measurement of my real competence as a PTD officer. Oh well...

Will update more on Tokyo DisneySea later, insya Allah.

Pemilih hadir yang tidak hadir

Sorry for not updating for quite some times - lately I've been a keen follower of the Malaysian election fever from afar, reading all kind of stuff online, watching all kind of videos (on you tube) and I must say that this election is really, really something. Unfortunately, I won't be voting this year, which should have been my third time, and the first time as a postal voter.

I've been a registered voter since 1997, but I didn't register as a postal voter ahead of time, so after asking around and being told that registration for postal voters was closed ages ago, I thought there goes my chance of being a postal voter. Then, last Monday, after stumbling onto a few blogs, I realized that I still had a chance to be a postal voter by filling out Borang A and submitting it to SPR before 27th of February, 72 hours after nomination day (24th February). I called the Embassy and was told by the guy in the Consular section that yes, I could come and pick up Borang A, but I have to send it to SPR by myself.

Hubby was supposed to be teaching in Ichikawa Ono that day, but I asked him to cancel the class, and let me go and pick up this Borang A in the Embassy instead. He was feeling rather groggy too, so he agreed to look after the boys while I go to Shibuya. Mind you, when I realized this, it was already 2.30 p.m., and hubby suggested me to go pick up this Borang A the next day - but I insisted to get it done and over with sooner rather than later.

So off I went to Shibuya - cycled as fast as I could to Asakusa eki, boarded Ginza line subway, read "The Real History behind the Da Vinci Code" while passing all 19 stations to Shibuya, and practically ran to board a Transee bus to Daikanyama which stopped next to the Embassy. By the time I reached the Malaysian Embassy, it was 4.15 p.m. and the guard dutifully informed me that the consular desk is closed for the day. I explained that I was not there on matters regarding visa, but the election. (I didn't know the word for 'election' in nihonggo, so I said 'election' ala Japanese Engrish style which sounded, ehem, "erection" - while keeping a very straight face). The guard made a few calls until I was finally greeted by some guy from the Consular desk - after I asked to meet the head of Consular since the guard seemed so reluctant to let me in. By then it was already over 4.20 p.m.

Turned out the guy who let me in was the very guy who had answered my queries earlier, so he quickly got the Borang A for me. I asked if I could take more than one form to be distributed to my friends (hubby planned to postpone his class to the next day, Tuesday, when it was still possible for those who had their name on the electoral roll to register as postal voter and hubby would be meeting a lot of friends who hadn't register as postal voters), and I was given the whole form pad, consisting 13 forms, and 3 small slips containing SPR HQ address, where the form should be sent to.

I dropped by Redha's office at the Human Resource Department. He was surprised when I told him that I was there to pick Borang A up to register as postal voter, apart from some other HRD related business. Apparently, he was told that the registration was closed in October 2007. I told him that I've read on several blogs that those whose name is on the electoral vote could still register as postal voter, by filling up Borang A and sending it to SPR.

I fall under the three categories of Malaysian citizens living overseas who are allowed to cast postal votes under the Election Regulations (Electoral Roll) 2002 and Election Regulations (Postal Votes) 2003 - which are military personnel, students, staff of embassies and high commissions and their spouses. Malaysians living abroad who fall outside these categories cannot cast postal votes for God-knows-what-reasons. Didn't make sense to me that some are more equal that others regarding this matter, but I also believe that it might be good to abolish the postal votes system altogether. It's more amenable to both fraud and manipulation than voting at polling places, it depends too much on the reliability of the postal service, and there's concern on the use of absentee ballots - or so claimed those who are against postal voting.

Anyway, I quickly filled up Borang A right after I reached home, filling in the blanks by referring to my ballot details as they appear on the SPR electoral roll online. Tuesday morning, on which day this piece of news appeared in NST (when it was already too late for most to act - but who says SPR has ever been really effective in disseminating valuable information), I was busy trying to call SPR HQ. Could not get through, so I tried calling up SPR Kedah instead, where I was supposed to vote. I could hear the operator's voice clearly, but she could not hear me back, and she hung up on me, all five times I tried. I was confused on what to do - since it was too late to courier the Borang A back home to reach SPR in time, I was hoping to just fax it, but I needed to know to whom should I fax it so that my name would be printed as "pemilih tidak hadir" and not as "pemilih hadir" on the ballots.

As it happened, in between making calls, I chatted with a friend who is accompanying her husband doing PhD overseas. She said that both her and her husband are not voting as postal voters even though they are both registered voters.

"But why not? Surely it's important to vote. It's a responsibility that we might be queried about in the hereafter?" (yes, I personally take my voting duty very seriously, not just a moral obligation, but also a religious one)

"Dear, don't be so naive. How reliable is the postal vote system? A friend of mine voted in 2004 for the opposition, but when she and her husband waited patiently for the counting of postal votes at her constituency - none of the postal votes went for the opposition. Something was wrong - both her and her husband's votes had been tampered with somewhere"

"But the officers here in the Embassy seem like decent people with integrity who won't tamper with ballots...I trust them..."

"Okay then, go ahead and vote and do let me know how it goes after that..."

What my friend told me scared me and put me in a dilemma. I believe in voting. I want to vote - but I do not want to risk my vote being tampered with. I didn't mind balik kampung to cast my ballot in Kedah in the past two elections, but I am not rich enough to buy an air ticket to return to Malaysia solely to ensure that my vote is all mine and not tampered with in any way.

I suddenly found myself reluctant to be a postal voter, yet I also do not want my ballot to be used up by some cheats or phantom voters. What was that again - I don't have to worry about phantom voters because of the usage of indelible ink? Oh, but I have heard that SPR is going to introduce some form, allowing people to be excused from using indelible ink. (SPR scrapped the whole plan of using indelible ink at the eleventh hour after so much hypes and everything) Chances are, the dead will rise and the phantoms are going to be there, so what now?

Some friends finally suggested me to ask my family/acquaintances in my polling station to alert the polling and counting agent that I will be here in Japan on the polling day, so that they can issue a protest if anyone come up and use my ballot paper. I might not be able to cast my vote, but at least I can ensure that my vote is not being used by anyone else. Hmm, not the best option, but at least it ensures that nobody is taking what is legally, rightfully, exclusively mine - my vote.

I have since asked for help around and it seems like I might have found my way out - to be a "pemilih hadir" who is definitely going to be "tidak hadir" and noted so in advance by some polling and counting agent. A friend who had registered as a postal voter in Japan, but found his name listed as "pemilih hadir" in his hometown, has also taken similar option. (Funny to note that his wife - who registered as postal voter the same time he did, was listed as a "pemilih tidak hadir" aka postal voter... hmmm...)

To be honest, in the past, none of the people I voted for with exception of one, has actually won. But who knows, maybe without my vote the people I endorsed from afar might win this time around...

Still for those who are on the electoral vote and could vote - please do so. In Huzir Sulaiman's words -

"And even if you claim not to like a single one of the candidates in your constituency – which is entirely understandable, given that political parties of all sorts are occasionally obliged to distribute seats based on loyalty rather than competence, or indeed sentience – there will always be one candidate very slightly better than the others: the “least worst”.

Please vote for the least worst. Doesn’t Malaysia deserve the least worst, at least?"

Happy voting!

Okinawa Islamic Cultural Center and Mosque Project

Our Muslim brothers and sisters in Okinawa are now seeking financial assistance to build a multi-purpose Islamic Cultural Center with a built-in mosque.

The Muslim community there are looking into the possibility of getting a suitable site in Nishihara town. They have so far managed to collect about 200,000 yen, yet the first phase of the project, a mosque with a parking lot, is estimated to cost about 44 million yen.

Reasons for needing a place of their own?

• In order to be approved as a full religious body in Okinawa-ken, they should own land or a building or both land and building.
  
• The Muslim community there is diversified with international students, foreign residences, workers, American military, Japanese, etc , so they obviously need bigger space than the current Culture Room in Ryukyu Dai which they borrow occasionally.
• Double larger place is required for Jumu'ah and tarawih
• Triple larger place is required for Islamic school activities
• Four times larger place is required for Eid
  

In line with the hadith "Whoever builds a mosque, desiring thereby Allāh's pleasure, Allāh builds for him the like of it in paradise", I humbly urge all who could, to please donate to:

Postal Bank
Name: Okinawa Islamic Cultural Center
A/c no: 17010 224981

or

Bank of Okinawa, Ginowan Branch
Name: Okinawa Islamic Cultural Center
A/c no: 1391831 (SWIFT/Routing code: BOKIJPJZ)

For more information, as well as buy-haiku-book-and-donate-to-the-masjid opportunity, you can contact Kak Lela. No, she didn't ask me to post this entry, but since I already wrote one for Niigata Masjid Project, I figured why not give some publicity for Okinawa too, it's all fisabilillah, and I being an Imam's wife, know first-hand how difficult it is to get donation for a mosque here in Japan.

Al-Fatihah

Really appreciate if you could join in making do'a and reciting Fatihah for an ex-collegemate, Zaimirawati Ramli aka Atie who passed away recently.

Atie bravely fought lymphoma cancer for four years.

I was not close to Atie, but can't agree more with Ms Anita's description of Atie being "sweet and humble"...

Here's praying that she will be placed among those blessed by Allah...

#####

(and this nasyid goes for Atie's surviving friends...)

Kau Sahabat Kau Teman

performed by Hijjaz
song & lyrics by Munif Ahmad

Telah tiba saat waktu kau tinggalkan kami
Kerana takdir yang Maha Esa telah menetapkan
Sedih rasanya hati ini bila mngenangkan
Kau sahabatku kau teman sejati

Tulus ikhlasmu luhur budimu bagai tiada pengganti
Senyum tawamu juga katamu menghiburkan kami
Memori indah kita bersama terus bersemadi
Kau sahabatku kau teman sejati

Sudah ditakdirkan kau pergi dulu
Di saat kau masih diperlukan
Tuhan lebih menyayangi dirimu
Ku pasrah diatas kehendak yang Esa

Ya Allah,tempatkannya di tempat yang mulia
Tempat yang kau janjikan nikmat untuk hamba Mu
Sahabatku akan ku teruskan perjuangan ini
Walau ku tahu kau tiada di sisi

Perjuangan kita masih jauh beribu batu
Selagi roh masih di jasad hidup diteruskan
Sedih rasa hati ini mengenangkan dikau
Bagai semalam kau bersama kami

Moga amanlah dan bahagia dikau di sana
Setangkai doa juga Fatihah terus kukirimkan
Moga di sana kau bersama para solehin
Ku sahabatku kau teman sejati

Don't believe everything that you read in the paper.

This is what the paper claimed. That Malaysia ranked 6th in the world competitiveness for countries with a population of more than 20 million, and that we ranked better than the UK, Germany, Japan and France.

This is what was found direct from the source.
Even if one takes a closer look at the ranking of nations with more than 20 million people, Malaysia has been placed lower than Germany and UK.
And there's not much to be proud in being ahead of Japan in this - Japanese are very meticulous but they love their paperwork too much.
Too much paperwork and lengthy procedures = inefficient = less competitive .

And this is the past 5 years ranking.
We dropped from 16th place in 2004 to 23 in 2007.

Talk about dropping - have anyone noticed how badly UM has been performing lately?
If one follows the THES - QS World University Ranking, UM was ranked 89th in 2004, 169th in 2005, 192nd in 2006 and 246th in 2007.

This piece of info, of course, was blacked out from appearing in mainstream media.
Ah, but then, what can one expect from the country's mainstream media, when we had been ranked at 124 in the Worldwide Press Freedom Index 2007? Even UK and US ranked 24 and 48 respectively, supporting those who claim that there is no 'real' press freedom anywhere in the world, but Malaysia's rank has been falling, and that is a cause of worry because free media is
part of a healthy democracy... Isn't it?

Yuki 2008

It snowed last Saturday in Tokyo, the fourth (or was it fifth?) time this year. Since Tokyo doesn't get much snow, I kind of enjoy it every time it snowed. Both my kids also love to gaze out of the window at the falling snow - and as cliche as it sounds, falling snow is kind of magical. Very mesmerizing.

Anyway - it's been some time since I last posted an entry and I promised some friends that I am going to post merrier entries, so I guess sharing some pics of yuki might be a good place to start. We didn't get snowy Chinese New Year in central Tokyo, but I heard that it kept snowing in other parts of Kanto, not to mention the rest of Japan. I am grateful that I get to realize a small dream of building a yuki daruma at the top of the mosque. I was too lazy to build a big one - so it was just a tiny one that do not deserved to be called a snowman. A snowbaby maybe. Heh.



I am also sharing some pics of us taken in Karuizawa, Nagano... Went there by car courtesy of Zafran and Shima. Hubby and Zafran had their first experience of putting on snow chains to car tyres. We had to stop twice after that to adjust the snow chain back to the tyres, but after the second stop the chains were in place and we made it to the Prince Ski Resort safe and sound, alhamdulillah. It goes without saying that Zafran was driving oh so very carefully and slowly and we were often overtook by other cars (with snow tyres, and thus could drive at higher speed than 50 km/h)

The ski resort is conveniently located very near to Karuizawa eki, and for those who are into retail therapy, there is a huge retail outlet centre just next to it - 4 complexes that took ages to finish browsing even if one is just there for window shopping. The price were reasonable - Timberland boots and shoes were slashed down by 40% off normal retail price, and Coach handbags were on sale at 50% off normal retail price. Huzaifah had a great time at Lego outlet - he refused to leave the play area in the store that we had to 'pancing' him out by enticing him with a Bob the Builder Lego set. We didn't actually buy it though - which caused him to throw a tantrum all the way back to the car - so later we bought him a small tractor at 100 yen shop to make up for it. The thing is Huzaifah has lots of playing blocks at home but he doesn't really know how to appreciate them as he loves unstacking more than stacking, so we figured it might be better to wait until he's a little older before buying a Lego set.

Under different circumstances, I might had enjoyed the trip more - but since we went there just a few days after I lost my little one - I tried to keep myself warm by staying more in the heated cabin for those who want to take a break than being outside. The ski resort was filled with lots and lots of people and while they have Kids Area, there was no secluded area where we could build private snowman - like we did in Urasa last year. To his father's disbelief, Huzaifah who enjoyed sledding last year, even refused to sled more than twice - but he enjoyed other stuff though. Humaidi is too young to really enjoy playing with snow, and we didn't bring any snow/waterproof outfit for him, so he like me, spent more time inside the cabin than outside. (Huzaifah was not wearing wellies too - which might explain why he didn't want to play in the snow for too long)

It was good to see people laughing and enjoying themselves. It was getting too depressing to stay at home, thus I quickly agreed when hubby asked me if it was okay to go to Karuizawa so soon after what happened. A change of scenery could help, and for me it did. Despite the cold temperature of the ski resort, the smiles and laughters of people sledding, skiing, snowboarding and the bright blue skies with flecks of white clouds here and there - made me felt a lot warmer than being in Tokyo with its (then) dull gray weather.

Some points on what not to say to a mother who has miscarried

I would like to thank all who have let me know that they care - be it by the internet, the phone or in person. I appreciate it all, but for some reasons or other – I’ve decided not to reply to any comments left in the previous entry.

It was a difficult entry for me to write. I’d thought of quitting blogging when my miscarriage happened, and on better days, I’d thought of posting happier entry, but I never could do it because somehow it didn’t seem right. I felt like I needed to honor my lost little one before I could move on.

I now understand why some of my friends who had gone through miscarriage(s) withdrew themselves. It could be hard talking about it, and some cope by putting it behind and not discussing it at all. Personally, I thought blogging about this might help, so I finally did it last week, in a corner of my school’s library – after lots and lots of failed attempts at home. Baby Humaidi is most attuned to my moods and feelings – I could not write it at home because I could not cry when Humaidi is near or else he would start crying too. And yes, I cried buckets while writing the previous entry. It’s not easy to stop once I started – because suddenly I started grieving not only for my lost little one, but for all moms who had lost a child…

It was while I was writing when Emi came up and asked “Are you okay? You don’t look too good”, to which I just blurted out, “Ryuzan shicattan da…”

Emi’s response was spontaneous – she immediately hugged me and whispered “I’m so sorry to hear that…” After she let me go, she grabbed my hands tightly and made me promise to give her a call if I ever need someone to talk to, to go out with or anything. “I’m here and we can always arrange something if you want me to accompany you to go out or something. You might need a break from your kids, so call me, okay?”

That coming voluntarily from a second year MA student who is in the midst of her thesis writing was very comforting. That was also the first real hug I got from a girlfriend in real life although I’d gotten lots of virtual hugs before. It felt good. It felt warm, and Allah knows I could do with a lot of warmth right then when coldness was clenching my heart.

I got my second hug from a girlfriend not long after that when Aya-chan stopped by to ask how I was doing. Again – “I’m sorry to hear that,” followed by a quick hug. Neither asked me how it happened, neither tried to say more to comfort me, but sometimes less is better – and their hugs worked really well.

In this horrible experience, apart from supportive and sincere friends and strangers who have helped me through this healing process, I have also come across some insensitive remarks coming from those who might have meant well, who might have thought their innocent comments might provide comfort and hope, but that is not always the case.

A friend said that he thought I would be glad not having to cope with another baby right now. Overwhelming emotions instantly filled me – shock, disbelief, hurt and fury. I felt like giving him a tight slap right there and then, but I quickly put my temper under check, looked at him right in the eyes, and sternly told him, “Yes, I thought I was not ready to get pregnant again. Yes, I thought I was not ready for another baby yet. But no, how could I be happy with losing a child? Miscarriage is not something one could be glad about. A baby is a gift of life. I might have thought of not getting pregnant as yet, but when I realized I did, I would have done anything to carry the baby to full term. I would have welcomed the baby with arms wide open. I would have loved the baby no less than I do my two kids. So, don’t tell me that I could not afford another baby right now – I would have gone through any difficulty for a baby. A baby is not a difficulty, a baby is rezeki”

I hope he will remember never to say anything like that to anyone who has miscarried ever again.

Yes, I am aware that this is Allah’s test, and that He will never try me with something beyond my ability to handle. But I also think it might help if others try to acknowledge that a mother’s grief is real, to acknowledge that a baby was lost. It does not matter whether a lost child was 10 days or 10 weeks or 10 months old, inside or outside the womb; each loss is unique, so please do not try to invalidate one’s feeling by telling her that what she’s going through is nothing compared to others who had gone through ‘bigger’ challenges. It’s hard to truly understand what mothers who have miscarried go through unless it has happened to you, so please try not to make them feel worse than they already do by belittling their loss.

So, unless you were the one who had gone through multiple miscarriages, it is also not acceptable to tell someone who had just miscarried “oh, but it happened to our friend ABC 3 times and XYZ went through it twice.” What is the point exactly – trying to scare someone who just had a terrible experience by reminding her that it could happen again? (Note: this is different from sharing that you have known one or two friends who had gone through multiple miscarriages and admitting your own insecurities due to being surrounded by friends and family members who had miscarried... I got mad at those who belittled the feeling of loss, not at someone who tries to empathize)

And while we are at it – I think most mothers who have just miscarried also do not want to be told that we will get pregnant again, or that we will have other children. Yes, it might be true, but it does not really help to make the grieving mommies feel better about the one they have just lost. Another child could never replace the one they have lost – if you are a parent, ask yourself is another child could replace the one you have right now.

I know that some might feel stuck, not knowing what to say or how to react when wanting to offer support or comfort. Yes, miscarriage can put one in a very awkward position. I think generally it is safe to say you are sorry to hear about the loss, to offer your help in any possible way and if permissible, to give a hug. Offering your prayers could mean a great deal too - at least for me, it does.

I asked my hubby “where did our little one go?”, and not being an expert in fiqh, he said he doesn’t know. A lot of Islamic scholars ruled that when babies with ruh died – those who had been in a mother’s womb for 4 months or more – they go to heaven, to wait for their parents there. So what about babies that went away before they were breathed with ruh? Mak Jang gave me the most comforting answer – “You just have to be strong and patient. Trust that Allah will take good care of the baby. Allah will never desert the faithful”. Mak Jang had had a miscarriage herself (not two, as I first thought), losing a pair of twins, and had provided some tips on how to cope.

I don’t know how long it will take to heal emotionally. It has already been three weeks, and while I’m a lot more stable nowadays, there were weak moments here and there. Friends and aunts who went through it told me that there would be moments that I might falter again and again, so I, as well as hubby, must learn how to brave it.

I am sorry if this entry sounds harsh here and there, but there were moments I felt like screaming at others, asking them not to keep telling me the same thing over and over again too. I just hope that this will help stopping them from making similar mistake in the future. Nevertheless I would like to express my gratitude and thanks to all who have been very supportive with their prayers, kind words of support and encouragement. I know everybody mean well and I really appreciate the concern. My personal support system has been great – my family, aunts and cousins, especially my cousin Hafiz who is studying medicine in Melbourne and some friends I felt like talking to. Special thanks to Kit, who cried for my baby like she was grieving for her own, and thank you Kak Lela for teaching me the word ‘ryuzan’ or otherwise I wouldn’t know how to explain my condition to the doctor.

Farewell my little one

My dear little one,

It had been two weeks since you were gone and to be honest, up until now, I still don’t know exactly what to answer when someone asks me “How are you?”.To have something changed drastically so fast, so soon was something no one expected. One day I was happy because I thought I was getting my period after one month miss, and the next I felt so crushed when it turned out to be a miscarriage. Awal Muharram suddenly took a whole new meaning for me...

My dear little one,

I was shocked and angry at your father when he uttered “tu lah, Haida tak nak baby, baby pun tak nak la (hidup)…” right after I cried out for him to help decide what to do with this big blop thingy that suspiciously resembled a fetus sac in the toilet bowl. I was angry at myself for not making sure whether I was pregnant or not right after I missed my period. I was angry that I ignored the movement I felt in the tummy during the long 110 meter sliding experience in Kodomo no Kuni when you must had been 8 weeks old. I was in denial of my pregnancy because despite the missed period, there were no other signs and symptoms – no nausea, no vomiting, no heightened sense of smell, no nothing. I should have known that something was wrong then, but I didn’t pay much attention to it. I never thought it was going to cost me a heartbreak.

My dear little one,

It hurts so much to lose you. I never thought how one miscarriage that others often see as a minor incident in life could hurt this deeply, but now I know from experience. It hurts even when this is not my first pregnancy, even when we are not exactly trying for a child right now. I can’t imagine how it must had been for first time mothers or those who had to undergo several miscarriages. For me, it was not that terrible physically – a bad cramp on Tuesday night, a mild tummy ache on Wednesday night followed quickly by the release of that greyish blop, with lots and lots of blood clots. But when I went for a check-up, and the doctor showed me an ultra sound scan image of a 10 week old fetus, I felt so sad. Instead of looking at the blinking heartbeat on the ultra sound scan monitor, I had to look instead at the remainder of your short presence in me on the monitor. The little placenta tissue left in the uterus. I felt as empty as my uterus. I felt hollow – physically and emotionally.

The night I had my miscarriage, I kept tossing in the futon, unable to go to sleep. I was so afraid of so many things. I was afraid that you had been a girl and I would never get a girl again due to my carelessness in taking care of you. I was afraid that you were gone because I expressly told others that I am not ready for another child right now, what with your brother Akif being so young and my thesis yet to be finished, and 1001 adjustments that need to be made when we go back to Malaysia. Was it because I took a long walk? Was it because I drank parsley tea and ate pineapple to induce menstruation when I thought I was late a month ago? Was it because I had been carrying your brothers more often? Was it because I am not eating right? Was it because I am not taking enough vitamin and supplementary food? Was there something wrong with my genes?

I was afraid that your father won’t forgive me for not making sure of my pregnancy and to take better care of myself. I am still scared now – of so many things and of so many possibilities. I am scared if the next period will bring back memories of seeing the blop and gory. I am scared that I might not be able to get pregnant again. But I am also scared to get pregnant again now I have been through a miscarriage. It is so confusing, I feel so bewildered and for a while I lost ability to express my thoughts clearly. Your father thought that I was killing time by playing those word games, that I should have spend more time on my thesis rather than playing Text Twist or Bookworm Adventure or Scrabble Rack Attack or Scrabble Blast (yes, I am a word games junkie). He didn’t know that for a while I have just lost my ability to think straight or even to think at all. On the outside I looked okay – but the depth of the sadness, the grief inside – was just too difficult to explain.

My dear little one,

Your father is grieving differently than me. He was the one who buried that blop the size of two adult fingers I could not flush down the toilet that night. He was the one who had been passionately praying daily for the safety of both the mother and the baby he highly suspected I was carrying. It had been difficult for him too, he had been crushed as well, but in different ways. Perhaps it’s difficult for him seeing me so depressed that prompted him to instruct me to snap out of it by reminding me that a lot many other women went through this and they were fine. He was right. Ayah's mother, your own Nenek had experienced giving birth to stillborns not once but twice. And miscarriage episodes are not new in my family too – your Tok Nyah went through it twice, so did your Tok Tam and Tok Jang. All three of them plus your Tok Su who, like me, experienced miscarriage at 10 weeks gestation, had went through the dreaded D&C. I must admit that it was a great relief to be able to consult not one but various sources among my own aunts when it happened to me. I was relieved too that I didn’t had to go through D&C even when my miscarriage was incomplete, instead just prescribed with Methergin for uterus contraction and to stop the bleeding.

My dear little one,

You will never be forgotten. Others have survived their grief and in time I will too, but I will never forget you. Your Tok Nyah told me that I should not be blaming myself. I had went through successful pregnancies with your brothers with pineapple eating and staining involved. I had walked longer when I was pregnant before than the walk I took the night before I lost you. Pregnancy loss can strike anyone and even doctors could not really tell why. Perhaps you were not a feasible fetus and hence you just discharged yourself from me. Sources on the internet claimed that about 15 – 25% of all pregnancies ended in miscarriage usually before 13^th week gestation. I am just one in every 4 or 5 pregnant women. It was sad that we have to say good bye before I even acknowledge your presence inside me. But as much as part of me died when I lost you, I have to live and keep being stronger for your brothers.

Your father has been lending me lots of strength lately. And in many ways that they may not know themselves, so have your two brothers. Your brother Ujai’s enthusiasts in singing ABCs, Ichi Ni San or Alif Ba Ta could always make me smile. Your brother Akif’s repeated attempts at standing on his own and walking by himself remind me to keep on trying to be positive in life. As much as I am aware that children are only gifts on Allah’s loan that He might take back anytime He wants, for the moment, they bring me joy, they make me smile, they make me laugh. And laughter and joy are quicker healers than tears and grief. I learn that celebrating bits of joy – like buying ice cream for others since I could not enjoy my number one comfort food during this ‘pantang’ period or joining your brothers making noise by the window as they excitedly enjoyed the falling snow – does not dishonor losing you. That tug you gave me once in Kodomo no Kuni was a sign that you too must had enjoyed the laughter and joy your brothers and parents shared then.

Farewell my little one.
I love you.
I will always do.

Happy New Year

My first post in the new year - it's already maghrib here, so makes that for both Gregorian and Hijri calendar...

So, what's up huh?

During the two-weeks new year break, apart from what I'd written in previous entry, I 'd managed to

• finish reading "Judges & Jury" and "London Bridges" by James Patterson, "The Broker" by John Grisham and "Number 10" by Sue Townsend. I know, I know, I should be reading academic books, not story books, but old habits die hard and all that...;

• take advantage of New Year bargains offer to buy Kose Sekkisei stuff for myself, a pair of glasses for hubby, as well as won a small Kaeru-chan toy for my baby and an "Ai Nori" mug in two separate lucky draws. "Ai Nori" is a Fuji TV reality-show involving a "love wagon" which goes around the world, and when they were ready, players were supposed to ask one player of the opposite sex who they were interested in, to return with them to Japan. Some ended as happy couples, some left devastatingly alone, and some simply retired after being in the game for some time without finding anyone they could be interested in.

• visit Asakusa area on New Year. It was already after Asar - so it was quite surprising to see the line for people to enter Sensoji (one of the oldest temples in Tokyo area) was still very long (think about 500 meter) and growing. The place was still crowded, most of the shops on the main streets closed, the streets opened only for pedestrians and we took some pictures in the middle of the usually busy main street a'la "ini jalan bapa kami yang punya" style. I should have not been that surprised though, after all most Japanese only pray once or twice a year. There were plenty of Christian missionaries all over Sensoji neighboring areas, both nihonjin and gaijin, holding placards urging people to learn more about the eternal life of Jesus, the death of a savior, with loud speakers repeating some recorded messages about Christianity again and again. I told hubby, maybe we should suggest to AMIR or IPIJ to invite those who are free and their Muslim nihonjin friends to come and distribute brochures about Islam too in this crowded area next year. There is so much that we still need to do to right the misperception most nihonjin seem to have about Islam and Muslim, and maybe we should learn a thing or two from those Christian missionary who stood up all day long holding their respective signboard.

• visit the Imperial Palace on January 2 (the only other day the Palace inner ground was open for public was on December 23, the Emperor's birthday). Very tight security. Do not bring any liquid in cans or plastic bottles - they had to be thrown away or else you will have to keep your bag in safe keeping at a counter manned by police officers. I was first asked by a young lady officer to either finish up or throw the content of feeding bottle for my baby. I tried persuading my baby to finish the bottle up; but another elder gentleman officer said that it was okay to enter with the bottle still half full, since baby might cry without his bottle. Oh, and no plastic container of any kind - the police inside the palace compound checked on Humaidi's toy twice to ensure that it was just a toy and not some explosive or something. Those with baby stroller and wheelchair get privileged treatment - so even though we were rather late, we were ushered to the front line. Hubby who wanted to take a better shot of the Emperor's family exchanged place with Faizly who had been manning the other stroller for a while just so he got to be on the front line. Granted, the Emperor is not my king, and I earlier thought that the place would be crowded with old people who are known to be more loyal to the Emperor than the younger generation - so I was surprised to see lots and lots of young people - singles, in groups and with families, all together chorusing "banzai" and waving the Japanese flags (freely distributed before we entered the security check area) oh-so-proudly and happily right after the Emperor made one of his hourly appearances and gave ultra-short new year greetings speech that day.

• visit Palette Town in Odaiba after the visit to Imperial Palace ended. Oh, we had a long, long walk that day... and Faizly must be very exhausted playing baby sitter for the kids while the parents berhoga-hoga, especially at Toyota Mega Web. I tried out the rally racing simulator machine and oh my - it was really difficult to handle compared to real life driving. Despite the "gelong-gelong macam mabuk" bumpy ride, I managed to finish it before the 3-minute-limit was up, so was pretty satisfied (it took a 30-minute wait after all). Hubby asked me to join him entering the simulator theater - and it was much, much better than trying out the simulator machine. No dizzying experience, and we managed to have a 'feel' of how one racer overtook not one, but four cars, to emerge the winner of the competition. Huzaifah had some fun in Venus Fort, very much mesmerized by the ever changing sky scenes - from twinkling blue and green stars in a dark-dark night, to the yellowish evening sunset and clear morning sky. The only "down" side to the trip is that dogs were allowed to be unleashed in the first floor of the mall. It's not that we don't like dogs, it's just that we have to go through some hassle of special cleansing ritual if the dog lick us, or if wet dogs make contact with us. When I was in UK, I really hated it when a dog suddenly appeared in front of me and the owner would casually say "It's okay love, he won't bite, he just wants to play...", always made me felt like replying - "I don't care if your dog wants to play - but I can't, okay?"

• watch all 17 episodes plus "the making of" Korean drama "Coffee Prince". I don't usually watch Korean drama, but my cousin Firdhaus loves them, and had in the past influenced me to watch "Full House" and "Wonderful Life". Zyrin's musings on "Coffee Prince" kind of prompted me to watch it - and yup, I enjoyed it. I still sometimes hum to the tune of the song the lead hero sang over the phone to the boyish-looking heroin (believably so too, unlike the heroin in J-drama Hana Kimi who still very much looked like a girl) just before they were supposed to be apart for 2 years.

Okay, now that the holiday is over, I should be concentrating on my thesis now. I mean, seriously...
Oh by the way, Kit, thanks for your do'a (winks).
Note to Kak Lela - "ada masa cecair merah yang dikeluarkan oleh jasmani wanita boleh menjadi tanda gembira, dan saya telah mendapat petanda itu! Syukur, alhamdulillah..."

Happy New Year 1429 Hijriah to my Muslim readers
May it be a better year, and may we be blessed by Allah always.

Kahwin, kawan-kawan, jalan-jalan

The last 9 days of 2007...

1. The Wedding

We got a call a few days before Eidul Adha, from an acquaintance who shared similar name with hubby. Brother Amin, a Jordanian married Naoko-san, a Nihonjin through civil ceremony in October 2007. Naoko-chan had not formally converted to Islam yet at that time, and Brother Amin told her that until she become a Muslimah and they go through a proper Islamic nikah, they could not live together or have normal life as married couple. Nao-chan agreed .

Brother Amin tried getting some help from the people at his Embassy, but they advised him to return and bring Nao-chan with him to Jordan for the formal conversion and Islamic marriage, since no such arrangement could be done at the Embassy. Since Brother Amin knew that they could not afford to go back to Jordan, he started looking for other alternatives.

It was then when he remembered that he actually knew a non Arab Imam who could speak Arabic, so he called us. Understandably, he was very excited upon learning that we could help him with both conversion to Muslim and Islamic nikah. "Thank you brother, thank you sister. I didn't want to bother you, but Allah had answered my prayer by guiding me to contact you..."

After he received the list of necessary documents/preparation needed, he called us again, to make appointment to see us on Saturday, 22 December 2007, for both conversion and nikah ceremony. Hubby quickly agreed, since it also happened that the Nihonjin kids he usually teach on Saturday had earlier asked for leave that day. We asked if he could bring two Muslim guys to act as witnesses for the wedding ceremony, but he could not, so hubby promised to help him on that matter.

Thus, when we were at the Embassy for Eidul Adha celebration, hubby asked around, to get some volunteers to act as witnesses for the coming wedding in Asakusa.

Saturday saw me preparing the 2 kg of qurban beef hubby collected from the Islamic Center in Setagaya the previous day. I was not sure what to cook at first, but somehow I ended up making Nasi Minyak, with Khuzi Daging Lembu and Acar Timun/Carrot. For dessert, I just peeled some mandarin oranges, diced some apples, sliced some kiwi and mixed them all with sugar and yoghurt, ala Pakistani style dessert minus the masala/chilli powder. (I still have trouble understanding why our Pakistani brothers always finish preparing the yoghurt-and-fruit dessert by adding a dash of masala/chilli powder...)

So, alhamdulillah, Basharan, Hadyan, Lutfy and Shahreeza came to help out with Nao-chan's conversion and Brother Amin-Nao-chan's wedding. Since there were four of them, two acted as witnesses for the conversion while the other two for the wedding.

Funny moments include - our surprise to see photos of various poses cut into passport size instead of the official passport-sized photos we needed to stamp on the respective certificates; how one of the witnesses excitedly posed for a photo with a wedding certificate; and how the same witness admitted to feeling rather nervous just before the wedding ceremony, although the groom himself had no such trouble whatsoever. Oh, by the by, the same witness is darn good in imitating the groom explaining stuff to his wife about Islam using Level 1 Nihonggo - "kore wa dame... kore wa daijoubu... kore wa Allah ga suki..." Although hubby had asked those who are fluent in Nihonggo to explain this and that during the conversion ceremony, Brother Amin took it upon himself to do it, using simple Nihonggo - which even to my not-so-jouzu ears sounded not quite right, yet the main points were there. So while Brother Amin acted as interpreter for the Imam; the rest of us glanced at each other, thinking similar thoughts, "Ok... that's right, but, but...". Thus, the nervous witness sometimes helped in interpreting hubby's word to Nihonggo, when words seemed to fail the enthusiastic husband.

After some deliberation, Nao-chan chose Sara to be her Muslim name. Brother Amin was obviously interested in naming her Nur, " you will become Nur Amin, the light of me", he grinned as he persuaded her. I told her it would be okay for her to use Nur Sara as her Muslim name, but Brother Amin asked her to choose one or the other. Sarah is what her mother-in-law wishes to call her, and since Sarah/Sara is a common universal name, Nao-chan finally chose Sara.

There was a break between the ceremony and getting the official certificates ready since the newlywed needed to get some official passport-sized photos first. The witnesses were invited to our home for late lunch/2nd round lunch (two guys arrived earlier and had already lunched at our place). Must be the berkat of qurban, the khuzi was a big hit that day. I received plenty of compliments such as "lembutnya daging ni" (it was on slow heat for ages, plus the beef was rather fresh), "akak masak macam mana ni, sedap betul," (my guess is khuzi is not something most single guys would cook. curry maybe, even kurma, but I have yet to see khuzi instant seasoning by Adabi) etc. I smiled as the boys kept adding the rice and beef, feeling really pleased to witness them enjoying the food thoroughly.

#####

2. Jalan-jalan ziarah kawan

(Another version of this could be read at Faizly's blog)

On Sunday, 23 December 2007, together with Faizly, we went to Gyoda, Saitama on Kak Ita's invitation. Spent most of the 1-hour ride on Takasaki line being glared in between flipping pages of her novel by one obachan sitting opposite us. Then, not long after we arrived in Gyoda, one hit-and-run incident happened involving the Nissan Serena we were in.

It was sunny in Gyoda as opposed to rainy and chilly morning in Tokyo. At first we thought of visiting the Emperor at the Imperial Palace (23 December is the current Emperor's birthday, one of the two days the Imperial Palace inner ground is opened to the public, apart from January 2, for New Year Greetings) but changed our mind upon reading the weather forecast. We ended up watching the Emperor and Empress greeting the visitors flocking the palace on the television in Kak Ita's living room.

Hubby had a great time mikan gari (mandarin oranges picking) under the sun, while I tried to ensure that Huzaifah was not leaving any permanent damage in Kak Ita's house, or should I say Kak Ita's hubby's rumah warisan. Kak Ita prepared lots of food, since she was also expecting other guests. We were served with mouth-watering mee rebus, rice with telur masak rempah and acar rampai, puding roti bakar, dango and freshly picked mikan.

Kak Ita's dad used to stay and teach in Mak's hometown, Pontian. She called him up while I was there, asked me to talk to Tuan Haji myself and what do you know - he knows my Mak, and Mak's elder sisters - all of them used to be in the teaching profession too. Small world, eh?

We left after Asar, after a brief introduction to Yan and Walid who had just arrived then. Kogure-san, Kak Ita's husband agreed to drive us to the eki, but not without having to make a U-turn first because I'd forgotten Humaidi's bottle. Oopss...

Next destination - Ageo, to Kak Pah's house. Fetched by Lutfy on his Honda Fit (Jazz in Malaysia), we were taken to Kak Pah's impeccably clean and organized home. Really enjoyed Kak Pah's, her son and her husband, Mura-san's (aka Abang Din) hospitality. Okay, maybe not just hospitality - but also the laksa, kuih seri muka, Kedah-styled asam pedas keladi (aka asam rebus by those from southern part of Malaysia). Even Humaidi enjoyed the beef soup tremendously. Huzaifah tried to "help reorganize" stuff at Kak Pah's kitchen, all of his efforts smartly thwarted by the well-experienced Kak Pah.

We joined Lutfy and Shahreeza leaving Kak Pah's home after Maghrib. Instead from Ageo, we returned to Tokyo from Omiya, where Lutfy dropped the rest, driving back alone to Higashi Omiya. We bid farewell to Shahreeza who took Saikyo sen to go back to Toda, while we took Takasaki line to Ueno.

#####

3. Christmas visitor

Koseki-san, the detective who is almost a frequent guest of ours now, came by on Christmas to drop two Disney-themed 'christmas stockings' filled with snacks and cookies for Huzaifah and Humaidi. We already told him earlier that we do not celebrate Christmas, but he insisted on bringing a cake for us. Turned out he was late in ordering a cake, and he couldn't buy any suitable cake by the counter on Christmas Eve, so he ended up buying the snacks and cookies instead. I told him that he shouldn't have, but he said it's his pleasure. Nothing religious - it's just that Christmas cake has became part of Japanese culture in the past 30 years or so.

Christmas is not a national holiday here in Japan - but yes, it is definitely celebrated here, simply because as Koseki-san put it "we Nihonjin like to party and Christmas is a good excuse to party"

#####

4. Kodomo no Kuni

This deserves an entry on its own. Initial verdict - a great place for kids, definitely a Kids' Kingdom!

#####

5. Unexpected visitor

AMIR held sort of winter gathering in this Mosque, from 29 - 31 December. (The girls even stayed back for an extra night - cool way to usher in the new year, if you ask me.) Then on 31 December morning one Nihonjin guy suddenly entered my house without knocking first (which was really rude) which caused me to shout "don't come in, wait outside!" in half-surprise half-irritated tone.

After I was properly attired, I went and asked what was it that he wants, and he said that he would like to ask some questions regarding Islam. Hubby was not feeling well, so I brought him to the mosque, asked him to wait for a while and went down to ask for some help from the AMIR program participants. Baim and Kuchai volunteered. Upon entering the mosque floor, I saw the Nihonjin smoking, so I asked Baim to advice him that the mosque is a 'no-smoking' zone.

I am not one who usually dislike someone on first meeting, but there was something about the guy that just didn't sit well with me right from the very beginning - the entering without knocking, then smoking in the mosque without asking for permission...

Turned out he was not really interested in finding out what Islam is all about. He was more interested in confirming his own belief. One of his first questions was "is it true that Muslims are allowed to kill Christians?". Followed by other questions/discussion on the creation of the universe, the "love" message in Islam, the differences between commandments in religions, et cetera.

Hubby reported that he was kind of arrogant, that he was not really sincere in asking questions, but more to put forward his own views, as he cut in while others were speaking and sometimes he just refused to listen to what others had to say.

There were a lot of twisted statements here and there, some self-contradictory points made by the Nihonjin. Baim and Kuchai were very gentle and careful in answering questions, as hubby assisted with getting evidence from the Quran. When the AMIR slot was over and more people joined the 'discussion', one guy named Halim could not control himself but provoked the Nihonjin, by referring to his own twisted statements, to which he had no real answer, but just showed the "peace" sign instead.

Hubby said if he had known Nihonggo, he would have done the same himself. It is one thing to treat a non-Muslim who wants to find out the truth about Islam from Muslims gently and politely; but here was someone who openly showed his arrogance (and ignorance about Islam) to Muslims in a nearly provocative manner in a place considered holy by Muslims. That was why Halim was rather perturbed and could not wait to be given a chance to 'tembak' the Nihonjin guy a little.

Definitely an interesting 'latihan amali' in discussing comparison of religions for the AMIR guys.

#####

Shinnen akemashite omedetou gozaimasu.
Yoi otoshi wo.

(Happy New Year and wish you a good year ahead)

Eidul Adha 1428H

- Unlike last year when there was no formal request, this time around hubby got a formal letter from the embassy requesting him to be the Imam for solat sunat Eidul Adha 1428H. that helped in persuading ICOJ’s President to give him a day off and let a substitute Imam lead the prayer in Asakusa Mosque instead.

- With the absence of the ‘big guy’ of this mosque, Brother Ehsan, (who has gone back to Pakistan until early 2008) hubby had to find a substitute imam on his own, and alhamdulillah the former Imam of this mosque, Brother Mushtaq Zaman agreed to help. We were worried about having nobody to make arrangement for food to be served after prayer, but Brother Mushtaq knows how things work here and is well-known by the policemen in this area (for his role as the former Imam), so that lessened our worry a great lot.

- Not unlike last year, we were fetched by the Embassy’s car, but the yound and charming Hasegawa-san was no longer behind the wheels. We were greeted instead by another older ojiisan chauffeur that morning. We were told that Hasegawa-san has changed profession to be a “barber technician”. My guess is he is now a hair stylist.

- The cheerful ojiisan asked some questions regarding Hari Raya Korban, and so I attempted explaining in rather poor Nihonggo (with the assistance of the English – Japanese dictionary in my keitai) the history of how Allah had asked Prophet Ibrahim to sacrifice his beloved son Prophet Ismail, and how Ismail had been substituted by a kibash as a sign that the sacrifice of both father and son had been accepted by Allah. The ojiisan finally snapped his finger and exclaimed “I got it! Today there is lamb prepared in the Embassy” (in Nihonggo), to which I smiled and nodded weakly, instead of further explanation on the timeline for ‘korban’.

- The ojiisan’s take on Islam was basically summarized by his statement; “The people at the (Malaysian) Embassy love their family. They want to spend time with their family. They go out to eat with their family, to shop with their family, to sightsee with their family. Japanese people, they love their job more than their family. That’s why in the past 30 years or so, more families are broken. They must learn from Islam. They must learn to love their family more”

- Hubby didn’t lose much sleep over editing the text for sermon, unlike last year when we even engaged Mak’s help to reword, rephrase and rearrange the long 20-pages long khutbah to become just 9 pages. We crossed out stuff that we think is not relevant with the audience in Japan (including stuff hubby does not really believe in) and added a few dose of our own stuff. Basically we added some stuff regarding the importance of being earnest and persevered in seeking knowledge, and in addition to Muslim renowned “tokoh ilmu”, we also mentioned names such as Nobel Prize Winners Muhammad Yunus (2006) and Mohamed ElBaradei (2005), and mentioned in passing how some Malaysians had bagged Diamond and Double Gold Awards at the British Invention Show 2007.

- Small attendance of the solat sunat raya congregation in the Embassy meant that there was a felt hush when the Imam delivered the sermon, unlike last year when I had trouble to hear what hubby was saying amidst all the ‘suara nyamuk’. Oh, and this time around, he did not forget to hold the ‘tongkat’ when he started his sermon (last year nobody passed it to him, so this year, he put it right next to the rostrum)

- We met up with neither Sofea Haruka who could not skip her class that Thursday, nor Faizly, who had a presentation scheduled. Like he said – “saya pulak yang kena ‘berkhutbah’ depan sensei pagi raya ni”

- The attendees of solat sunat raya that morning in the Embassy must had been a record low. My personal estimate put it at less than 200, where else the Embassy had been prepared to serve 400 guests. Unlike last year when they had to cook extra food while it was still being served, this year saw lots of food probably went to waste (even after asking many to tapau the food home)

- There was a combination of factors to explain the low attendance – since it was near the end of year and right before the winter break, lots of students either had to sit for exams or make presentation (if it’s just classes, some don’t really mind skipping them), and those who work are rather hesitant to ask for leaves since long leaves (year end/beginning of new year) are looming quite near in the future. Nevertheless, it was still a ‘sederhana tapi meriah’ celebration at the Embassy.

- Right after I finished queuing up for the lamb, I was called to join hubby being served in the TYT Ambassador’s house. I was rather flabbergasted, but accepted the invitation anyway. That was where we met up with other personal guests of the Ambassador’s – the Brunei Ambassador, and some Malaysians holding prestigious positions in Japan.

- Huzaifah, being the active child that he is, had a near brush with an accident when he went out of the Embassy building on his own. Ida’s husband saved him from crossing the main road and brought the protesting and wailing Ujai back into the main building. Ida herself was busy chasing her twin girls around – who are about Huzaifah’s age. The “terrible two’s” is apt to describe our kids. I was carrying Humaidi with me (using the baby carrier) at all time, so I thought hubby would help with minding Huzaifah more. Only that, hubby could sometimes be too ‘relaxed’ in minding his son, having being exposed to see how ‘carefree’ kids could be in Egypt… Anyway, Ida and Herman, thanks again for your help that day. Alhamdulillah tak jadi apa-apa yang tak elok…

- Instead of heading straight back home after leaving the Embassy, we went to Tuan Syed Nahar’s place in Aoyama, not far from Omotesando. We were driven there by the Embassy car, where we thanked and bid the ojiisan chauffeur goodbye. Tuan Syed Nahar happens to work in the IAEA Regional Office in Tokyo, and was understandably happy to hear his boss’s name (Mohamed El-Baradei is the DG of IAEA) mentioned in hubby’s sermon. He invited us over for makan-makan raya at his place and hubby quickly accepted his offer.

- The apartment in Aoyama is far, far more impressive than the Embassy Staff residence in Kamimeguro, not to mention a far cry from typical Japanese apartments which are often sekangkang ayam in size. I started to worry immediately upon entering their home since I did not bring any toy for Huzaifah to play with. After a futile search for suitable toys, my eldest boy was finally entertained by a container of colorful beads of room deodorant, but despite careful maneuvering and monitoring, still managed to break one of the host’s colorful glass egg. Adusy!

- We returned home after Asar, after being served with nasi Arab and ketupat daun palas, brought all the way from Malaysia by Tuan Syed’s eldest daughter, Nadiah, who had just arrived in Narita that morning to spend an 8-days break with her parents.

- I did not cook any raya food, and hubby’s quick call just before we left the Embassy gave me no time to tapau any food from the Embassy, thus, we ended up having ‘the extra special Maggi Mee Ayam’ that night. What is so special about instant noodles, eh? Ask Kak Lela – her writing sort of inspired me to actualize the fantasy of having ‘special’ dish of instant noodle on Raya… Heh.

PTK oh PTK...

It rained all morning last Thursday. I prayed hard as I balanced between cycling on the slippery surface and keeping the 1000yen folding umbrella (a gift from Syafiq before he returned to Malaysia for good) steady against the rain, that it would be hujan rahmat, that a lot of rezeki would tumble down with the rain. I was after all, on the way to sit for my PTK exam (Competency Level Evaluation).

I slept in the train instead of concentrating on my notes. Kompetensi Umum, the paper I sat for on Wednesday was not so bad, if you asked me, since it was a matter of reusing and recycling similar points here and there. Kompetensi Khusus is another thing altogether – demanding quite serious studying and revising on various stuff. Still, managed to have last minute discussion with Marha right before the exam began, on topics which one of us covered but not the other.

Out of the five questions that I needed to answer in the allocated 2 1/2 hours time, I was comfortable with one, half comfortable with 2, and simply wrote whatever that came to my mind in the other 2. (7 seems to my lucky number this time around - in both Kompetensi Umum and Kompetensi Khusus paper, my first attempt, being the question I felt most comfortable with, was number 7) What I definitely am not comfortable with is feeling unsure of how my ability of answering these academic questions prove my competency as a government officer. When all was over and done, I pondered on how (in) effective PTK could be in measuring one’s competency level and wondered why more emphasis seems to be given on PTK over seniority in the service for promotion purposes.

Like a friend was sharing with me the other day, say officer A and B sit for PTK exams at different time, A in 2004 and B in 2005. A managed to pass her PTK with Tahap 4, but B had to repeat sitting for the exam. Had B taken the exam at the same time with A, she might had qualified for Tahap 4 too for she could match or write even better answers than A. Does repeating sitting for the exam necessarily makes her a less competent officer than A?

Then, there’s the age and seniority in the office factor. As one grows older, it’s understandable that it will be more difficult to memorize stuff. Some of the questions which ask for 10 examples of this, or 5 reasons for that – requires memorization of certain Code for the Public Service or Government Order, might be deemed to give unfair advantage to younger and fresher brains. Like another friend was telling me the other day, her colleague who is more senior in terms of age and service had to retake the exam three times, but she herself alhamdulillah passed the exam on one sitting. That doesn’t necessarily made the more senior colleague any less competent than her in the office. It was more a matter of ability to “goreng” stuff to make it look good on paper, coupled with some “rezeki” factor that the subject matters one read and spot questions came out.

PTK is supposed to help officers become more competent by knowing and learning all the necessary knowledge and tools – but for all we know, in some cases, there might had been one or two who felt de-motivated and de-moralized by not only having to re-seat the exam, but ending up at the same rank with colleagues far, far junior (like 6-7 years of working experience differences)

Then again, people could always write excellent essays without actually practicing what was written. I am quite sure some could get full marks on questions regarding integrity but are not totally ‘clean’ in their conducts – and I am no exception. I sometimes used government-issued stationery for personal stuff too. (But right now I still memorized all the main qualities of Tonggak 12, so there)

Someone was saying that it’s not the exam itself that makes many feel unhappy with PTK system – it’s just that overlooking the years of services and putting greater emphasis on passing the PTK as merit for promotion that became a cause of concern.

Personally, after experiencing it myself, I would say that PTK provides an opportunity not only to sharpen one’s knowledge in government-service related matters, but also as an exercise to refine and brush up one’s skills in “goreng-menggoreng” stuff on paper. With the presence of all these “pakar goreng”, no wonder we in the government have to study and review so many thick, lengthy, wordy papers and documents.

Oh well.
I pray that I will pass the exam anyway.

Simple things that make one smile in winter

Simple things during this time of the year that could make one smile, in no particular order

… first mug of hot Milo with perfect margarine-and-kaya sandwich
… soft light of dawn, with little noise at the street
… good morning hug from a 2-year-old
… a massage on the back while still wearing telekung right after a solat jemaah
… freshly vacuumed and uncluttered house in the early morning
… winter socks
… comfy futon on a hot carpet
… both kids clinging and hugging the mommy under the futon
… a hot mug of teh tarik on a cold starless night (Boh makes better teh tarik than Brisk, but still..)
… falling yellow, red and brown leaves
… sunny, cheery weekends
… Christmas cards with traditional Japanese arts cover (kabuki, sumo, Hokusai etc)
… reading a book by favorite author undisturbed on the train
… promise of a nengajo from Japanese friends (including the police detective who often visits us)

Halal formula milk in Japan - revised

Sufi from Chiba had asked me to share some info she got by calling up manufacturers of infant formula in Japan

According to her, the only two infant formula which contains no traces of animal substances would be Meiji's Elemental Formula and Meiji's Mirufi-HP. Her latest finding confirmed that there is no infant formula for newborn babies in Japan with no traces of animal substances used during the production process.

According to this blog referred by Aida-Kyushu, there is no halal formula for 0-9 month old baby readily available in Japan, including Mirufi HP, as it contains taurine, and according to the author of that blog, taurine is derived from ox bile, hence the name taurine (from Latin taurus). The author though lists Tsuyoiko (Bean Stalk), Chirumiru (Morinaga) and Gun Gun (Wakodo) - all of them formula for babies aged 9 months onwards, to be halal for consumption.

Somebody left a comment in my previous entry, claiming that only Bean Stalk formula is halal - and coincidentally, from my personal observation, Bean Stalk products, Sukoyaka (0-9 month) and Tsuyoiko (9 month plus) seem to be the choice brand for many Japanese muslim mama.

There is no confusion regarding Meiji's Hohoemi (0-9 month) and Steppu (9 month plus) though, since pork related substance was listed as part of the ingredients, making them both clearly haram.

While no other brand lists pork-related substance as part of the ingredients, Sufi found out that in Morinaga's products (Hagukumi, Chirumiru, E-Akachan) case, while soy-based emulsifier and lecithin are used as part of the ingredients, pork-based enzyme is used in protein hydrolysis.

She also claimed that similarly, pork-related substances may form part of the process in infant formula production by Wakodo, Bean Stalk and Yukijirushi.

So, what is halal and what is haram then?

I am not an expert on fiqh matters, neither is hubby, so when Aida-Kyushu first told us about the above-mentioned blog, we quickly referred to another Ustaz who is more well-versed in fiqh and qaedatul fiqh matters.

That was when we learned of istihlak and istihalah.

Istihlak (assimilation) happens when a prohibited substance is diluted in a lawful medium to the extent that none of the known properties, be it color, taste or smell, of the prohibited substance are noticeable in the lawful medium, then the prohibited substance can be ignored. For example, most bread contains yeast, which produces alcohol during anaerobic respiration, but the amount the alcohol is so small, and further decreased during baking, that no amount of ingested bread could cause intoxication, then the bread is halal.

Istihalah (substantial transformation) is changing the nature of the defiled (najis) or prohibited substance to produce a different substance in name, properties and characteristics. This includes transformation through chemical reaction, burning, cooking, etc. Thus, when a najis or prohibited substance have been completely transformed that it no longer carries the properties and characters of the original substance, then the ruling of haram does not apply to the new substance because it is something different.

There are other fatwa which ruled differently regarding pork-related substances, saying that pork should be exclusively treated in that its substances never really changes under what ever conditions.

Since this is khilaf, I guess it is up to individuals to choose which fatwa to follow, while respecting others who choose differently. The concern with what is halal and what is haram is a good thing - it shows that we Muslims are not willing to sacrifice Islamic principles easily. However, to prohibit or label a certain product haram should not be done without sophisticated knowledge of fiqh and qaedatul fiqh. Those in Muslim countries are lucky to have organizations that could identify halal products with all the necessary knowledge and know-hows, but excessive prohibition on products in non-Muslim countries where no such halal-identifying agents are available, might cause undue hardship and frustration. (Imagine if no halal infant formula is available for Japanese muslim mamas who are unable to breastfeed for long. They don't really have the option of 'importing from home' like us gaijin muslim. )

Try googling istihalah and istihlak, and one will discover in no time that these principles are adopted by the Islamic Organization for Medical Sciences, based in Kuwait. I do not seek to marginalize the issues of halal and haram, but just to highlight some Islamic principles used in determining halal and haram which might be unknown and unfamiliar to others.

Since there is no Jakij here in Japan (as there is Jakim in Malaysia), personally, I am going to apply the istihalah principle in choosing the infant formula for my kids. I will not however take responsibility for others who choose to do the same - instead I would urge others to do their own homework and seek opinions from more learned scholars before making up their mind regarding this, because one should not have doubts regarding her/his choice.

So, there, my two yen on this matter.
I should be concentrating on my PTK notes (many thanks to Marha and Syah), the exam is going to be held this coming Wednesday and Thursday, but I had trouble concentrating this dawn, hence this entry. Please pray for me (to do okay in the PTK exam), ya?

The one-of-a-kind kenduri

So my brother's wedding reception went okay. Mak was hugely relieved when all was over and done with. Of course, any memorable kenduri would not be without drama - the caterers were not around to serve the food about an hour before the kenduri began, last minute cancellation of the kompang and bunga manggar procession, my youngest brother Adik was not sure how to fit the `tuan rumah’role that he had to undertake since Ayah and all the uncles were not around, having to attend to Tok's janazah. Oh, not to mention the ‘almost’ change of the wedding outfits – my brother almost agreed to wear something which clashed awfully with the theme color of the main table and the hall’s decoration, but the tailor managed to make some really last minute alterations on the originally agreed outfits.

Not all the audience were in the know about the demise of Tok, so some were really taken by surprise by the quiet procession of the bride and groom into the hall. Mak said they compromised by allowing the sound effect manager to raise the volume of instrumental music a little higher. And since they went to all the trouble of getting the 3 tiers wedding cake, they went on with the cake cutting ceremony too. Guests were served with a slice each, which still left quite a large portion of the biggest cake intact, and it was re-packed in the box, to be taken home. But alas – at the end of the night, the cake was nowhere to be found. Mak herself had not tasted it yet. Still Mak said – “alhamdulillah kek je yang hilang, bukan hadiah kahwin ke, duit ke, apa ke….” (Which reminded me of the Tommy Girl EDT that went missing from the bilik pengantin during my own wedding – hisy, takdak kerja lain ka jadi pencuri masa kenduri???)

Ayah and about 50-60 family members and relatives arrived from Putrajaya, after Tok’s funeral was over when some guests were already saying good bye to Mak. For a change, Abang signed an MoU with a Japanese company that night, after the 'acara wajib' of the kenduri ended. Something different than a normal kenduri – with business dimension added to a familial occasion. Which was okay too, since that event provided some extra time for Ayah and the late comers (some coming all the way from Kedah) to enjoy the food after attending Tok’s funeral.

Like Mak said – all’s well, ends well.
Alhamdulillah

San nen me no kinenbi

It was our 3rd wedding anniversary yesterday.
(Hubby could remember the big date easily since his birthday is on 12.03 and we were married on 03.12. Lucky me, alhamdulillah!)

We went to Nikko last weekend for sort of anniversary celebration in advance, since we had already made all the necessary preparation - guest house booking, basic itinerary, food buying, etc. More on that later.

Initially I'd wanted to blog about the moments just before I was pronounced a legally wedded wife three years ago. But with Tok's death - it seemed rather insignificant. After all, we had only been married for three years where as Tok married Tok Ayah when she was 14 and he 22, and they remained faithful to each other until their last breath - she at 76 and he at 69.

But given another perspective - that my own parents were divorced (for the first time - they were divorced three times) even before their marriage reached 2 years old, remaining married for three years seems like an accomplishment of sort.

Well, which ever it is, I am happy to be with the man I married, proud to be the mother of our children, and hope that we will keep loving each other.

Loving as in the verb - not just the feeling. Stephen Covey once wrote "Love is a verb. Love - the feeling - is a fruit of the verb." What constitutes this verb of love then? To serve, sacrifice, listen to, emphatize, appreciate, affirm. Among others.

Rasulullah s.a.w. used to keep himself busy serving his family, and would get up for solat only when it was time to do so. He used to mend his own clothes, and do other household chores. And he claimed that the best among the Believers are those who are best towards their wives and daughters. (Sometimes, all these are conveniently 'forgotten' to be highlighted in ceramah on the rights and duties of husbands and wives in Islam.)

But of course, it is not all one way. After all, Rasulullah had also stated that the best wife is one who is attractive in her husband's eyes, who carries out his wishes, and remains vigilant in his absence. Husbands and wives are garments for each other - to offer protection, comfort, modesty and warmth. To complement and supplement each other.

Marriage is a tool for two interdependent people to achieve greater things in life. 1 plus 1 after all, does not necessary equals 2. In the past three years, in our case, 1 plus 1 has already equalled 4!

Happy 3rd anniversary, sayang.
May we keep loving each other for many years to come, insya Allah!

On the night of our akad nikah

On the eve of our third anniversary